


Jean Moreau's Five Steps to Being in Love

by knox_moreau



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, M/M, a peace offering since i disappeared for like a whole year, also pls dont let this flop, jerejean, my ego is fragile and relies entirely on internet validation, pls dont hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 21:09:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knox_moreau/pseuds/knox_moreau
Summary: Jean is in love with one Jeremy Knox, but it takes him a while to figure out just what that emotion really is.(my tumblr has risen from the dead guys! it's @honeymoreau, also pls love me)





	1. Step One: Denial

Jean Moreau did not like Jeremy Knox, not one bit. Jeremy was always too happy with that stupid dimpled grin, and he never stopped complimenting his teammates. Who complimented people anymore? Stupid, overly friendly people, that’s who. And don’t even get Jean started on the tortoiseshell glasses Jeremy loses every morning or the fuzzy sweaters that swallow his hands whole. Who wore fuzzy sweaters anymore either? _Stupid, overly friendly people, that’s who._

Jean was too busy fueling his personal storm cloud to notice Jeremy had called the end of practice. He always had the team huddle up for one of his pep talks before releasing them to the showers. 

Jean smacked the ball down the court, off in his own little world where Jeremy Knox would stop smiling at him like that if he made enough goals. 

“ _Jean._ ” Sara Alvarez had stuck her racket between his and the ball, effectively making Jean’s storm cloud halt. She nodded her head at the rest of the team grouped around Jeremy like they were an atom and Jeremy was the nucleus. That didn’t even make sense to Jean anymore. He was more than a little tired. 

Jean joined the team-atom-group-huddle but lingered to the back, an excess electron. Jeremy smiled his stupid, positively-charged smile, and the rest of the team stayed in their circle like good little electrons. Jean wished he could stop comparing the team to atoms. 

His storm cloud returned in full force to take his attention away from any words actually leaving Jeremy’s mouth. Instead, Jean stared at Jeremy and the bandanna pushing his sweaty hair back and the exhilarated look in his brown eyes and the exy racket he leaned on so casually. It was all too much. 

The team jogged away from Jean again to beat each other to the showers that didn’t have clogged drains, but one person was noticeably not in the crowd. Jean jumped a little when Jeremy spoke right beside him. 

“You did great today, Jean. I’m really glad you’re starting to get along with the team.” Jeremy gave that thousand-watt smile, completely unperturbed that Jean scowled in return. Then he jogged away, shouting after Laila and Alvarez to not make out in the showers so long this time. 

_Stupid, overly friendly people._


	2. Step Two: Anger

Jean swung the door open so dramatically he could almost imagine a thunderclap in the background. 

He had woken up in a bad mood, gone to class in a bad mood, and eaten lunch in a bad mood, and now he’d walked back to the dorms in just as bad a mood. Nothing was wrong about the day, and that’s what made Jean so angry. The more he tried to find a reason to be upset, the more upset he made himself when he turned up with nothing. 

Jeremy peered up at him over the book he was reading, his round glasses adding to the look of surprise from Jean’s theatrical entrance. He put his makeshift grocery-receipt-bookmark in between the few pages he’d managed to focus on and set the novel aside to turn his full attention on Jean. This only had the opposite effect of what Jeremy would’ve liked, and Jean silently fumed at him while tossing his bag by the foot of his bed. 

There was a long pause that turned into a very long pause until it became an insufferably long pause that Jeremy just had to break. 

“Are you okay?” 

It felt like the dumbest question Jean had ever heard at the time. Did he look okay? No, of course not. He’d just busted the door open like the villain in an old superhero movie, and Jeremy was asking if he was okay. 

“Just fucking peachy,” Jean spat out between clenched teeth. He faced away from Jeremy and pretended to be busy taking his notebooks out of his bag. Even without looking, he could feel the shock and hint of offense radiating off of Jeremy. 

“Did I do something to upset you?” It was the voice Jeremy used that meant he had _that_ look, the frown where his forehead creased and his brown eyes looked unbearably innocent. Jean didn’t think Jeremy was aware when he did it, but it annoyed him without even looking. 

“Yes.” Jean’s voice was cold and dry. It was a half-truth: Jeremy was always doing something to upset Jean but only because Jean was always upset. 

“Oh.” It was the simple, one word that made Jean pause from angrily stacking his notebooks on the desk. Jeremy just sounded so… discouraged. It was a foreign tone to hear from him, and for a moment, Jean’s chest ached with guilt. He didn’t even know where his anger was coming from, so why was he taking it out on Jeremy?

Jean muttered a “sorry” and left the dorm room to find somewhere he could think over his situation.


	3. Step Three: Bargaining

It had been two days since Jean’s outburst at the dorm. He’d spent almost the entirety of those two days wondering why he felt so guilty, and when he wasn’t reflecting upon his entire existence, he was busy avoiding Jeremy. But it was harder than Jean found was fair to avoid someone you played a sport with and roomed with at the same time. 

Jean had finally let the good voice sitting on his left shoulder out-talk the bad one on his right, and that’s how he found himself carrying two cups of coffee to where he knew he’d find Jeremy. 

Jeremy had mentioned an upcoming test in one of his worst classes recently. Jeremy was also a chronic overachiever whenever possible, so Jean found him right where he knew he would: a table towards the back of the campus library. 

Except, the bad voice on his right shoulder was starting to beat the left one back with a stick, and any words Jean had planned out were caught in his throat when he reached Jeremy. So instead he stood there silently like a tall, vaguely intimidating courier of Starbucks. 

Jeremy looked up at him slowly before a small but incredibly delighted smile replaced the weary look on his face. 

“Are either of those for me, or do you regularly drink two grande Starbucks coffees?” 

Jean’s shoulders became a little less tense at Jeremy’s easy acceptance of his peace offering. He stuck out the drink with whipped cream and caramel to Jeremy, clutching his black coffee like it would somehow give him the right words to say. 

“Wanna sit?” Jean accepted Jeremy’s offer, pulling out the chair beside him with stiff movements. There was a beat of awkward silence before Jeremy sipped his drink and made a noise of satisfaction. 

“My favorite order! Did you ask Alvarez for it?” Jeremy questioned with his normal beaming smile. Jean never thought he would feel so relieved to see Jeremy’s smile. But he also didn’t want to admit that he remembered Jeremy’s order perfectly on his own. 

“Yes. Of course.” Jean’s words were as stiff as his movements, like he was out of practice with verbal communication, which he was. He stared off at the rows of crammed shelves for a long moment, collecting all the resolve he still had in him. 

“I’m really bad at this but… I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Jean spoke in a softer voice and tentatively looked at Jeremy, who was giving him an equally soft look. 

“I know what you’re trying to say. You don’t have to give a long speech,” Jeremy assured him. “Friends?” 

Jean paused. 

“Friends,” he nodded. Yeah, he can do friends.


	4. Step Four: Depression

The weather report for Jean’s emotions that morning predicted a cold, irritating drizzle. It wasn’t much of a prediction though since it was already there. 

Jean kept his head buried under the blankets as if they could warm him from the personal chill in his bones. He hadn’t checked the time since 5:32 AM, and he had no clue if it would even still be morning when he emerged from his blanket-burrito again. He didn’t plan on finding that out soon though. 

“Jean, _why_ are you wrapped in the blankets like that?” Alvarez’s voice was muffled from outside the comfort of Jean’s warm fortress that was his bed. 

“Are you becoming a butterfly without me?” Laila’s voice came next, and she sounded genuinely upset at this thought. 

A hand tugged at his fuzzy blankets, but Jean only clutched harder in retaliation. The tug-of-war wasn’t getting anywhere until Jean kicked whichever of the girls it was in the shin. Judging from the muttered curse Jean heard, it was Alvarez. 

“If you don’t come out here right now and tell your gay besties what’s wrong, I’m going to pour water over you,” Alvarez threatened.

“But we can’t do that! We’d have to wash the blankets, and the laundry is so far away.” 

“Laila, _he_ doesn’t have to know that.”

Before either of the girls could continue their bickering, Jean reluctantly popped his head out of the cocoon. 

“He lives!” both girls cheered in unison, and it was Jean’s turn to mutter a curse at them in French.

“What do you want?” Jean wasn’t in the mood for company that wasn’t his bed or ramen noodles. 

“Jeremy asked us to find out why you’re becoming a caveman,” Laila piped up from where Jean saw her sitting on Jeremy’s desk, swinging her legs back and forth.

“Dammit Laila, Jeremy told us not to tell Jean that he was that one who asked us to do this!” Jean appeared out of his cave of blankets a tiny bit more at the mention of Jeremy’s concern. 

“I’m not becoming a caveman,” he grumbled at them. Both girls looked at him expectantly as if they needed an opposing theory to disprove theirs. “I’ve just been tired.” From the expressions on their faces, neither of the girls believed him. 

Jean flopped onto his other side, refusing to look them in the eye while he searched through his brain for the words he wanted to use. 

“How did you know you were gay?” The following silence between them told Jean this wasn’t at all what they were expecting him to say. Laila slipped off Jeremy’s desk and sat down on the edge of Jean’s bed right next to Alvarez. 

“There was a girl when I was little,” Laila began first, her tone a mix of wistful and nostalgic. “She was my best friend and all, you know how it is. But she was just so pretty and sweet. She’d always talk about the guys she had crushes on, but I avoided the topic like the plague ‘cause what do I do? Casually tell her I have a crush on _her_?” 

Jean had slowly turned back around to look at Laila while she spoke. His face was more vulnerable than the two girls had ever seen. 

“What happened between you?” Jean pressed. 

“She moved states,” Laila shrugged. “When I got older, there were other girls that relationships actually happened with, but she’s how it all started I guess. Not that I wouldn’t be gay if I hadn’t met her. I’m totally just, like, intrinsically a lesbian.” 

Alvarez laughed at her girlfriend and placed an arm around her shoulders. It was a move Jeremy had done with Jean before as they walked back from practice or down to the Starbucks for a team coffee run. He’d always thought it was just what friends did since he never exactly had anything else to compare it with, but the more he watched Alvarez and Laila and thought about his interactions with Jeremy, the more aspects he was reconsidering about himself. 

“I was lucky enough that my parents were always supportive, so I knew what lesbian was right off the bat. Kid-me comes home telling my mom how the boys at school suck, and I don’t want to have a crush on any of them. My mom tells me I don’t have to, and I swear I heard an actual clicking sound.” Alvarez smiles at the thought and kisses the side of Laila’s head. 

Laila and Alvarez had the good grace not to ask Jean about the motive behind his line of questioning. When they coaxed Jean completely out of his blanket fortress, the girls insisted on cheering him up by watching movies. Jean was sandwiched between the girlfriends while they watched a movie on Alvarez’s laptop, but he couldn’t stop noticing Jeremy’s absence.


	5. Step Five: Acceptance

It was 11:47 PM on a Saturday night, and Jeremy and Jean had been elected for snack run again. Jean hated going on snack runs because of his awful sense of what food people actually enjoyed, but having Jeremy there made it somewhat more tolerable. 

Jeremy jingled his keys in his sweatpants pocket, absently humming the song that had been playing on the radio earlier. The sleeves of his white shirt covered almost half his hands, and his sandy brown hair was messy in the way no one cared about when you were shopping at a convenience store. Jean found himself staring longer than he had originally planned on allowing himself. 

“What are these?” Jean wrinkled his nose at a brightly colored packet of candy with the label Sour-Patch Kids. Jeremy popped up on his toes from the isle beside Jean to see what he was talking about. 

“You’ve never had Sour-Patch Kids?” Jeremy looked incredulous. Jean didn’t really know why by now since this had become a regular occurrence when they started going on snack runs. Last week, it was Jolly Ranchers that Jean had never had. 

Jeremy came around the isle to stand beside Jean, and he picked up three bags of the candy Jean still found a little suspicious. Jean raised his eyebrow when he saw the amount Jeremy intended to buy, although he figured he shouldn’t be surprised either. He’d seen how much candy Jeremy could eat. 

“They’re really good, okay? And some of them are for you. Grab a pack of those energy drinks, and let’s go.” Jean followed Jeremy’s orders, randomly picking out whichever energy drinks he thought had the best looking packaging. 

With their junk food paid for and in the back of Jeremy’s truck, they both sat for a still moment without starting the engine. It was a clear, quiet night besides the chirp of crickets and croak of frogs, and Jean had grown fond of their comforting songs. 

“Hey, Jean,” Jeremy’s soft voice cut through the quiet. Jean looked over at him, a little unnerved to find him with that thoughtful expression instead of a smile. “I feel like we’ve been through a lot, and you’ve gotten so far since you first transferred here, and I’m really glad I’ve been able to get to know you,” he paused, evidently aware he’d begun to ramble. After another breath, he continued while Jean watched, transfixed. “I never want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, okay? But I’ve been wanting to tell you… I don’t think of you as a friend. I mean, as just a friend. I mean.” He sighed at himself again. 

Jean watched Jeremy closely while the soft moonlight fell in his hair and his hands gripped the steering wheel even though the truck hadn’t been started. Jeremy’s Adam's apple bobbed from a nervous swallow, and Jean followed the curve of it with his eyes. It felt like years ago when Jean thought he hated him. Jeremy had never let that get to him though, and Jean kept thinking of all the times they’d stayed up late together while Jeremy talked about the last show on Netflix he watched, or something else equally mundane.

“I think of you as more than a friend. Or at least I want to,” Jeremy finally finished his speech. He removed his hands from the steering wheel when he noticed his knuckles were going white, and he looked to Jean for any hint of a reaction. 

“You know I’m not good with words,” Jean’s voice came in the softest tone he’d ever heard himself use. “Somehow you’ve always known what I’ve meant before, though. Thank you.” It wasn’t exactly a confession of love like in the teen romances Laila watched, but it was all Jean knew how to say. 

“Can I kiss you?” Jeremy asked tentatively. Jean felt incredibly relieved that Jeremy knew what he meant even then.

Jean nodded the most important nod he felt he’d ever given in his life. 

Kissing Jeremy Knox felt a lot like watching him smile. It filled Jean’s chest with a warmth and light as if he’d swallowed a small star. It felt radiant, even at night and under the fluorescent glow of the convenience store. Jeremy was gentle with him, testing what Jean was okay with in every touch. 

So maybe Jeremy was a stupid, overly friendly person, but he was Jean’s stupid, overly friendly person. And Jean had finally realized he wouldn’t trade him for anything.


End file.
